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Monday, February 14, 2011

Single Woman's Valentine's Day


So you're single on the most annoying holiday ever. Your office is covered in red, your co-workers are gushing about their gifts, and maybe a friend or two has gotten engaged. All the while you're reminded about your singleness. So how do you survive Valentine's Day without crying or killing someone.


1. be gracious- although you're single and may be envious of your friends in relationships, when they get gifts congratulate and compliment them.


2. don't fake it till you make it- nothing is more desperate than sending flowers to yourself. Don't do it.


3. stay away from the male bashing- this may be your first time being single on Valentine's day and you may be tempted to listen to "F&*k You" by Cee-lo or watch "Waiting to Exhale" don't do it. Take this time to celebrate you not wallow in your singleness.


4. Stay home- today is not the day to go to the movies or try to go out to eat. Restaurants are extremely crowded and you'll be annoyed at the wait. Instead invite some of your single friends over, cook, and watch an anti-romance movie. Note: no male bashing or talking about "what's his name."


5. have a fling- what better way to celebrate your singleness than to have a fling with someone you have no emotional ties to? Have dinner and maybe some great sex. In all cases, be careful in whatever you do.

The Husband Complex


Happy Valentines Day to all. In the sprit of the most loved or loathed day, I'm going to be writing about this thing called the "Husband Complex." I don't know a better name for it, so I'm going to call it the "Husband Complex."


What is the "Husband Complex?" It's the belief that women are driven to success by a man or they need a man to succeed. More specifically a husband. I am a single woman with a lot of dreams that do not involve a husband. Does that mean I don't want a husband? No. It means I don't have a husband or a boyfriend and I'm not planning my life around something that I can't forsee. Example, I love to cook things from scratch. I am a food snob and refuse to eat out of a can, box, or bag and as a result I'm always cooking. My sister asked If I was cooking for my husband? What husband? Do my actions have to revolve around getting a husband? I told her I have to eat too and I'm not waiting to get a husband to learn how to cook. She agreed with me. Go figure.


Example 2, I have this dreamhouse that I want to build in the next ten years. When I told my Dad about it, he replied what about your husband? What husband? What boyfriend? Should I revolve my life around a husband I don't have. Do I have to revolve every hope and dream around my nonexistent husband? Does everything I do have to revolve around a husband?


Don't get my wrong, I am not anti-husband. If anything I am pro-life partner. That means we merge our ideas together and build a life together not I drop everything and follow you like a puppy. Ala Jay-Z and Beyonce. They're married but Beyonce is still the same person and has yet to slow down. They say behind every great man is a great woman but is a great man behind every great woman. Let that marinate.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Biracial Debate

“I feel like she’s black. I’m black and I’m her mother and I believe in the one-drop theory. I’m not going to put a label on it. I had to decide for myself and that’s what she’s going to have to decide – how she identifies herself in the world. And I think, largely, that will be based on how the world identifies her. That’s how I identified myself. But I feel like she’s black.”~ Halle Berry Ebony March 2011

Ah, the race debate. The one issue, besides hair and skin, that will never die. When a baby is born from a union of a black person and a white person, what race is that baby? Sometimes the baby looks black, white, or maybe Hispanic. Sometimes the baby has straight, curly, or kinky hair. Other times the baby has brown or light eyes. There is no magic wand that tells us what race a mixed baby will look like once it's born. Just like there is no magic wand for race relations.

Nahla Aubrey, the baby in question, is a quadroon, which means 3/4 white and 1/4 black. This racial term stems from slavery where babies born from the union of slave masters and slaves were defined by their blackness. A child could be 1/32 black and the child was defined as black and a slave. The question is, do racially mixed black/white people have an obligation to identify as black?

Halle Berry, Barack Obama, and countless mixed race celebs chose to identify as black not just because of how they look but for career reasons. Let's be honest, would Halle and President Obama be as successful if they didn't identify as black. Other celebs such as Mariah Carey have not been urged to make a choice. While Soledad O'Brien, who could pass for white, struggles to prove her blackness to the world. Then we have Tiger Woods, who after infamously calling himself "caublasian" has yet to regain any prominence in the Black community. What does this teach us? If the black community embraces you, accept it; if they're indifferent, accept that also, if they don't accept you try to gain acceptance, and if you reject your blackness, they will reject you. Very simple.