Should You Forgive a Cheater?

Cheating, it has been around since people were old enough to realize they could have more than one person at a time. Oftentimes, cheating is described as a necessary evil. For many women, they understand that the title of wife often comes with their husband having a few women on the side. For other women, cheating is a deal breaker. If a man cheats once, he is gone with no chance of redemption.

Let's define forgive before we get into this. For many people, forgive means to let someone back in or forget it happened. Forgive, as defined by wikipedia, is the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. No where in that definition does it say to return to that person who did you wrong. Often people confuse forgiveness and foolishness. Forgiveness means to accept a situation for what it is and move on with your life. Foolishness is allowing someone or something in your life that has continually caused you pain. We don't condone foolishness.

The answer to the question of, should you forgive a cheater is yes. You should forgive that cheater but the real question is should you move on with your life. In order to do that you must consider several factors.

1.) can you fix the relationship?: is your relationship irreparable? Can you find the cracks in your relationship and fix them.

2.) what was the state of your relationship before they cheated: this doesn't excuse the cheating but look at the state of relationship before it happened. Did you think they were happy? Were you neglecting your duties as a mate?

3.) how did you find out: this is a big one. Did they confess to you or did you find out? If they confessed it means that they felt bad about it, if you had to become Shirlock Holmes to find out, rethink the reconciling part.

4.) do they want to fix it: you can't repair a two person relationship with one person doing all the work. Does this person want to be with you? Is he sincere about fixing what you have or is are they looking for the nearest exit?

5.)Are they selfish or selfless: if you've decided to reconcile with the cheater, take note of how they act after you reconcile. When someone is sincere, they will answer all of your questions and understand if you need time, that is selfless. They understand you feel violated and want you to feel comfortable again. When a person is selfish, they get irritated at your questions, they blame you for their actions, in general they're not very nice to you.

At the end of the day, only you can make the decision for yourself but please don't be foolish. Don't waste your time on someone who has no plans or desire to be better. My father, who was a notorious womanizer in the 80's and maybe 90's said that a man, an unscrupulous one, realizes that when a woman takes him back after he cheats, he can do anything and get a pass and he loses respect for her. Don't be that woman.