Married By Default

Watching Chrissy on Love and Hip Hop and the Govan sisters, Laura and Gloria, on Basketball Wives LA,  gave me a revelation. These women have one thing in common, they're gonna be married by default. Let me break that down. Chrissy, Laura, and Gloria have been with men for over 5 years. Laura and Gloria have multiple kids with said man but said man is still on the fence commitment wise. Chrissy has been open about the fact that she has made all the first moves in her relationship with Jim Jones. She even proposed to him, to which he said "I'm with you." I'm still trying to figure with that means. This season, little has changed. Jim has lost has ring and Chrissy promptly replaced it and he gifted her with new earrings. She still doesn't have a ring. She doesn't have the Beyonce "If you like it" ring, she didn't have a promise ring, an engagement ring, a thank you ring, an "it's Wednesday" ring, an "I saw this and it was your size ring." Jim has gone out of his way to avoid buying her a ring. I don't know if he wants to marry her and is scared or doesn't want to, but something is fishy and it isn't the fish. You have Laura, whose baby father Gilbert Arenas, has put her and her now 4 kids out of the house numerous times. Last time, he left her pregnant, alone, and penniless. He didn't even say bye. Now they're back together and she's flashing a ring. Okay. Then Gloria, who publicly called off a wedding with her kids father, Matt Barnes, and is now going through a very public break up. As messed up as these relationships are, I believe that all these women will be married by default.

Married by default is when the man realizes that he's not going to get any better than you, that you've stuck around all these years and he better just marry you. I know some people are scratching their heads wondering why that's a bad thing. It's a bad thing because you essentially wore him down. He put his hands up and said "fine." It doesn't mean he loves you, it means that he realizes that you've been his bottom chick. The person you are with cannot fully commit to you because he/she, because it can be women too, believes that there is something better out there. They will continue to string you along for months, years, decades, and I'm sure it would be centuries if people lived that long, until they find the better. Most people after a while, shrug their shoulders and decide this person will do. That's why people who were together for decades without marriage divorce after months or years marriage. This was never the person that they wanted and they settled. It'll never be right because they never wanted you.

Can people change and realize you're the one? It's happened but that's the exception. That's something you see in the movies. After years of the girl waiting in the background, the guy realizes that she's the one and they get married. In real life, if the guy, or girl, hasn't realized how amazing you are in 5 years, chances are he doesn't think you're that amazing. It's best to move on and find someone who does think you're amazing. If you still want this person, wait around. After they've finished sewing their oats and realize that you're the best they're gonna do, then you'll get married. You'll be his default wife. Who wants to win by default? You want to win because you're the best not because you're the best he can find.