As acknowledgement of your recent dedication to foolishness, I would like to offer you, as a gift, M&T Bank Stadium. It's in downtown Baltimore, off of 95 or 395 and very hard to miss. I want you to fly into BWI Thurgood Marshall Airport with Kim and promptly make your way to the stadium. I want you and your daughter to have all 69,000 seats. That's 34,500 seats each.
Why do I want you to have so many seats? A, for the foolish and lies you have been trying to sell America for the last 4 years and B, for you calling E! to tattle on Joel Mchale every time he makes a joke about your daughter's sex tape. Yes, I said tattle. I don't care what Kim has supposedly accomplished since she methodically leaked the tape in 2007, she still got her start from being Paris Hilton's bag holder and leaking a sex tape. I have to give credit where credit is due, Kim used Paris, took notes on her empire, and made an empire that's bigger and better. I also want you to have a seat for looking like MJ 2.0. No shade to MJ but shade. I recently saw a picture of you leaving LAX and you looked like Michael in his last days with short hair. No lie. I need you to control that.
We know why I need Kim to have a seat. I need her to stop trying to convince the media that she married for love. Maybe that's not a lie. She married for love of money not of Kris Humphries. I said it before, if she loved him, he would have known she was filing for divorce before TMZ. Just saying. I truly believe that Kim couldn't care less about Kris Humphries and the only reason lines of communication are open is for him to keep his mouth shut. It's all but been said that the only person Kim cares about is Kim. She needs to have all the seats, twice.
P.S Kim, no Ravens players are included in the stadium.
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