My Gift to Andre

I've only watched ten minutes of this week's "Braxton Family Values" and I already feel the need to give a gift. This bench is for Towanda's loser husband, Andre. In the first few minutes, Towanda informed him that she needed to go to LA to train Toni's new assistant, he promptly threw a tantrum in which he said, "when is someone gonna think about my needs."

Really Andre. It seems to me that too many of your needs are being met. You've been writing a book for years that is probably never going to see the light of day, you don't support your family, Towanda is the man in your relationship, you're living with Trina and Gabe, you don't contribute to that house hold then you complain that they don't have the type of food you like, you're in the middle of a divorce but nothing has changed, I could go on and on but I won't. I hate to call people losers, because you don't know why they are where or how they got there but you are a loser. You are the epitome of a loser. You have been given everything and you have not made an effort to earn anything. You have no desire to earn anything. You have a lot of nerve to complain about anything. You need to sit in the corner and be incognito. If Towanda was smart, she'd hope in a plane, with the kids, in the middle of the night, a la Gilbert Arenas, and leave you behind. She doesn't have to carry you and frankly, I believe she's insane and a little special, and not in a good way. I think the only reason she's telling you to get a job is because America thinks she's crazy for supporting you.

I want you to sit on this bench, with the wanted ads, and think about your life. You're a loser and you should be embarrassed. When the bus comes, you hop on it and find a job. Loser.

P.S.: you get the basic bench until you get a job and upgrade it yourself.